??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
