He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
