I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
