And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
we should paint friendship bongs
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
