Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
