I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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