life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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