I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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