week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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