you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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