we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize