Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
