Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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