My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How does one acquire holy water?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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