People in love make me want to vomit
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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