Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
