She's JV to your varsity
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
