the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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