If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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