i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
