also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
