cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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