Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
