Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
