Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
