i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you never un-have a 4some
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
