i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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