My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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