Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
