Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
