There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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