God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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