I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
