why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I smell like Dick and happiness
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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