I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
