I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
