and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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