I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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