Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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