She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
