Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
