He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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