I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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