12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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