You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
