i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
