I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
