a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
