i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
