Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
