I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
