I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize