That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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