sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
