dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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