No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
