I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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