Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
