If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
