I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
