I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
