is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
