Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
