I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
