Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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