i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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