I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
