we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
