I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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