Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
