I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
