Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
