Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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