the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
